Here I am……..sitting in my parent’s family room watching my mother sleep. I don’t need to talk, because there is no conversation to be had. I am just here to answer the phone, help her adjust her position when she becomes uncomfortable, and just be here in case something happens.
She was very sick yesterday. It was quite overwhelming for all of us. There are things that need to be changed in our routine to make this situation work…..Since my dad is not ready to have Hospice involved…..I have made the commitment to come every day for a few hours. I am hoping that this will be of some help to my dad or a least give him a little break.
Meanwhile, school is coming to a close and the children will be home. I’ve decided that it would not be beneficial for them to see their Oma this way. Yesterday, when my Dad called me to come over, I had no choice but to bring Mr. D with me. He has not really made any comments about his Oma. We just say to him, Oma is very sick and has a big ouchie and that he needs to be gentle. But this time things were different. Oma was non responsive and just looked so bad. I quickly got him out of the room when I saw the state she was in and had to do some quick talking to ease his worries.
I have a new role in life now.
I have become a partial member of the sandwich generation. Having to look after my own young children and now helping out in looking after my parent. I am only doing it for a few hours a day and I find it so taxing. There are many that give 24 hour care……I just can’t imagine.
The kids don’t say much about this new routine. They just adore their babysitter and probably will enjoy the break from me. I hope that I am doing the right thing for everyone involved. I guess I have it easy. I get to go home and forget about what is happening until the next day.
These events have opened the path to some interesting conversations with Hubby. I have told him that he is to put me in a nice facility and come and visit me for a few hours each day. I don’t want him to become my caretaker and I don’t want him to resent me or be angered by the role he has to play. I think that I surprised him. If we had not spoken about this, he would have never known my feelings on this matter. It’s the same about life support. I told him that I don’t want any extreme measures done and that anything that can be donated, do so. In my opinion, I won’t be needing anything in heaven, so if an organ can help someone to live longer, pass mine on. We also spoke of funerals…just cremate me and keep it simple. I’ll be dead, so it doesn’t matter to me.
These are topics that aren’t discussed and really should be. If you don’t talk about it, how are your loved ones suppose to know what you want. You may think you know what they want, but unless you discuss it, you will never really know.