Can you take her back now?

The family was spending a lazy Sunday at home. Hubby reading the paper, Ms.A reading a book, Dragon taking a nap, and me attempting to catch one. Just as I was about to close my eyes, Mr.D comes up to me and asks…

“Can we send her back now?”

He caught me off guard and I was speechless. Hubby and I look at each other. Where was this coming from? We have been home six weeks and I never thought this would come from his mouth. Here I had thought that we did all the right things in preparing the kids for their sister. We never ask them to help with her, watch her, or play with her. Once we got back from China our routine went quickly back to normal and Dragon had to go with the flow of the family. Nothing has been changed, refused, or denied because of having a new baby in the house. I really thought that we handled the whole transition of adding a child to the family well….

It was a know fact that Ms.A was having some slight issues before we left for China. She was concerned that she would not get any attention. That we were replacing her. That she would not be able to do anything because of the new baby. However, her feelings seem to be a combination of being a preteen and having to grow up versus from an actual disruption in her life because of her new sister. We had spoken to her extensively and let her know that we heard her concerns.

When she traveled with us to China to pick Dragon up, I had hoped that those feelings would disappear. Ms.A was able to see and participate in the first few days Dragon was with us. She and Dragon formed a special link because of this. I thought we were good. Ms.A has been a loving sister to Dragon and the negative comments seemed to have disappeared.

But…. when we parents do any reprimanding, she gets upset and the first comments said back are about being replaced. We continue talking it through with her, yet it seems like when we think we have a handle, it gets brought back up. Nor, does it help when everyone keeps bringing up the topic to her of how she is doing. It is becoming “drama to feed off of” and we are being very mindful on how we handle it.

So…I didn’t expect Mr.D to say something of this nature. He seems to be the best adjusted. Always excited to introduce his sister and tell that he is a big brother. Always ready to play with her. Always peeking in her room and whispering on the monitor her status of sleep.

He then proceeded to say.

“Lets send her back to her mommy and then maybe we can get a boy. A baby brother for me!”

Wait a minute…

“Ms.A said Dragon was on her team and I want a boy for my team!”

O.K., I get it now… After an explanation of….I am Dragon’s mommy and you are her brother and there is no trade in or give backs allowed. I then proceeded to tell him that we are a forever family and all the great benefits of having both a little sister and a big one.

He listened to me. He then asked if I was done. I nodded yes and off he went. He seemed satisfied with the answers I gave him…

If only everything would be so easily explained and answered…

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3 Comments

Filed under adoption, Family

3 responses to “Can you take her back now?

  1. Ha. For a minute I thought he meant the dog.

  2. christine

    123 no changes permanent!

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